Having a smashing time with the wife's BMW 33i Sport. What a silly place to put a tree stump.

I was going to entitle this,

"3 Good Things About Smashing Up The Wife's Car" then realised that writing notes from an assortment of hiding places: under tables, in downstairs cupboards, from the depths of wardrobes surrounded by mouldering old socks, and using a straw to breathe through whilst submerged in a freezing cold water tank in the loft, was all rather pointless. "Be a man" I kept telling my quivering carcass, face the consequences. Tell her that it's all her fault for having a very silly car without proper gears. So how, while she slept, did I demolish the wife's treasured BMW33i Sport, in a Car Park, on a sunny Sunday morning, with no one around as I pondered without my reading glasses the reason why a strange yellow light kept appearing on the dashboard? I could have consulted the Manual certainly, but I repeat, I didn't have my reading glasses. "Let's save an exorbitant BMW Dealer bill" I said to myself as I went Back and Forth. Forth and Back. Back and Forth. Back then Forward into a tree stump. Not just into it. On top of it, thus demolishing the automatic gear box which caused the entire auto lever console to leap into my left hand. Shiny pieces of car decorating the sprawl of bramble bushes. In my diary of embarassingly crass episodes in life, this now comes in at Number One. I should never, ever have tried to be an expert BMW mechanic on a Sunday, especially without my reading glasses. And on reflection, the big clod-hopping shoes didn't help either. I'll never know why that little yellow warning light came on as the vehicle has now been declared a write-off. I've actually buried the spare key just by the tree stump as a mark of respect. BMW33i. 2002-2010. RIP.